Stuff Like White Elephants

Diana handed me the heart pendulum, its diamond surface catching the rays of the dying sun.

"Perhaps.....perhaps we should forget Rio," she whispered to me.

"Maybe...maybe you're right," Dirk said, caressing my hair.

"If...if only there was...some...other way."

"But we...we know that there isn't."

They both gave these words a considerable pause, chewing them over again and again.

"But...will you stay for dinner?" he asked her.

With a flash of her old seductiveness she responded, "Well...well what are you having?"

He indicated toward me, "Ryan is making...he's making grilled cheese. And applesauce."

"Then yes...yes. I will have some. I'll go and wash...wash my hands."

"Don't...don't use the...hand towels. They're for presentation only."

As she walked away she muttered, "Fag."

Where I've Been

It's been quite a while since my last post, but for good reason. I have just returned from OUTER SPACE. I am a very lucky person. Of the billions of humans who have lived, less than a thousand have had this chance.

I went to OUTER SPACE two of our Earth-weeks ago. I was sitting at my computer, writing a blog entry, when there was a knock at my door. I had no idea then that the knock would lead me on a journey that would take me to OUTER SPACE.

I answered the door, and there was a Love Rocket standing there, with a big dopey grin on its face, arms spread pout to hug me.

For those of you unfamiliar with Love Rockets (I'm gonna assume that's most of you), they are robot rockets that sort of look like humans with engines up thier asses, and they crave affection. All the time.

They were invented by a reformed super-villain on my block, Dr. Courtesy. Back in the 80s he called himself Dr. Chaos, but he had it legally changed. he invented the Love Rockets to cheer the neighborhood up a bit, and to fly us to amusement parks in the summer.

Well, I embraced this particular Love Rocket without thought, and he most have been feeling over zealous, because before i knew it, I was in OUTER SPACE.

What was OUTER SPACE like, you ask? Well...it's a lot like a road trip. You think it's going to be a lot of fun, and it is for a while, but then it drags on and on and you just want to get there, instead of being stuck in stupid OUTER SPACE.

And the Love Rocket just floated there the whole time, smiling and asking for a hug. I undersatnd Dr. Courtesy's intentions were good, but did he have to make these things so damn needy?

If you have the means to go to OUTER SPACE for an hour or two, I think you should. But, really, bring a magazine or a crossword or something.

The Lilly Fields

We danced across the lilly fields, swaying atop the tall grass like butterflies.

I bent to pick one of the flowers for her, and it released a blood curdling scream, echoing through the forest and mountains. The girl ran away, her hands slapped on her ears like a crazy person.

Damn it. Of all the fields to take a lady through, I pick the screaming lillies. Damn it.

For Serious Entry

Today I did something very, very nice for someone and it made her extremely happy. It made me so glad to see her so happy that writing about anything else for the sake of writing seems pale.

Every now and then humans make other humans feel really nice, and that's why we stay alive.

Power Clothes

I wish I had some kind oif high-tech armor in my closet. Nothing really bulky and overblown like Iron Man's, just something cool, sleek, and silver. It would be great if we could wear armor to work on some days if we felt like it, like when soemone wears a suit and doesn't have to. man, that'd be cool.

Imagine getting up in the morning and thinking, "Yeah...this feels like an armor day. I'm gonna wear my armor. For serious." Maybe people would compliment on the armor, too. Man, that's a world I would live in. When you wear a suit and people say, "Who died?" Maybe when you wear the armor people would say, "Whoa, who you fighting?"

Man, I wish I had options like these in my wardrobe. Talk about power clothes.

Ribbon Etiquette

When someone gives you a ribbon to support some cause, like AIDS, when is the right time to throw it away? When it becomes all frayed? Almost every cause outlasts its ribbons; there's no way we'll cure AIDS before this thing wears out.

It feels like I should do something special to dispose of the ribbon, like throwing out an American flag. Imagine putting the whole cause of AIDS research in the trash bin. I suppose I could fins another ribbon to alleviate my guilt, but come on...I don't seek crusades out, they find me.

I guess the best option is throw the ribbon out, but then cure AIDS. Then people would stop asking me where my damn ribbon is.